Is It Really About The Dirty Dishes?

There are defined moments when I realized something needed to change. One of those moments, was a fight about dirty dishes. It was a weekday evening and I had just gotten home from a very long 10 second commute from my office. I opened the door and there it was--  a small pile of dirty dishes. I felt my face turn hot, my hands turn to fists, and my jaw clench. I went in search of the offender, my husband. I found him relaxing in his office, which led to me become even more mad. Why was he relaxing when it was his turn to do dishes and clearly they were not done?! His response was something along the lines of “I’ll get to them before bedtime.” I was in disbelief. So, I said:

“That is not how you’re supposed to do things! There is an order! Didn’t your parents teach you that you take care of your responsibilities first and then relax?”

And his response shocked me. I was literally speechless. He said:

“They did, but I decided that didn’t work for me. So, I decided to do things my way.”

Excuse me, what?! It took a while for that to sink in. I had NEVER considered this to be an option.

Rules are meant to be followed. But, who creates these rules? Can we really change them if they don’t work for us? What makes some of us more willing to change and others more resistant?

His response really threw me for a loop. You see, it wasn’t really about the dishes. It was about doing things my way.

Diving Deeper

If you’ve ever been in a similar situation, it might be helpful to ask yourself some of these questions:

• What part of this situation is painful?
• What leads me to think that my way is the best way?
• Is it possible that there are other ways of doing things that may lead to the same result?
• How might my insistence of doing things my way put stress on this relationship?