Reasons Why

Welcome back! I guess this means you are curious about that list. Well, let’s jump into it. After much thought, I came up with 3 main categories:

1)      Family pressure… or rather, PERCEIVED family pressure

There are experiences that are unique to children of immigrants. Some of them are:

-          being the only ones in the household that speak and understand English well (this means the children end up helping with translation, talking to customer reps, etc.)

-          trying your best to learn in class because no one at home understands the material you are learning

-          learning things well so that you can help your siblings when they need help

-          finding resources to help your family or help yourself

-          hearing about your parent’s struggle in their country of origin, the reasons why they immigrated, and their hopes for your future

I was raised by my parents and my paternal abuelito. I remember listening to the stories my abuelito would tell me about his immigration journey. He’d talk about making the difficult decision to leave his family, arriving in the US, working minimum wage jobs, and ultimately becoming a US citizen.  He’d always say how grateful he was that I (and his other US-born grandchildren) would not know the challenges of life in Mexico. And, his wish was for me to not know struggle. He always hoped that one day I’d have a degree and un trabajo de gobierno and sit in una oficina con aire acondicionado all day.

In these stories we hear their suffering, their strength, their ability to overcome adversity, and their resiliency. Whether stated or implied, these stories are accompanied by messages of un futuro mejor para ti.

These are messages that stick with you. If they did their job to give you a better future, you sure as hell better make sure you do your job and give yourself a better future. You want to make sure you do this for you, but also for them. You want to make them proud. You want to let them know that their journey valio la pena. And, sometimes it happens that you become una luchona y te pones las pilas and you don’t stop until you’ve made your family proud. But sometimes, your family doesn’t know how to tell you that they are proud. And other times, you think that there is more to be done to make them proud so you just keep going, and going, and going until you realize you don’t know when to stop…

 

2)      Fear of the Unknown

This piece is more about questions and assumptions that come to mind at the thought of ‘starting over’ or doing something different. These are the things that keep me (or you, or us) stuck:

-          I know how to do my job here. I might not be good if I go somewhere else.

-          Why try something different? This is comfortable.

-          What if their benefits aren’t as good? At least I have good health insurance.

-          What if I don’t like the way they do things somewhere else?

-          At least I know how things run at this place.

We like comfort. We like predictability. We like being in control.

 

3)     Imposter Syndrome

No matter how successful or high achieving you are there is: Self-doubt. Uncertainty. Inadequacy. Discomfort. Lack of belonging. Unworthiness. Unrealistic expectations. Failure. Stereotypes. ALL OF IT.

 

Taking a step back, I notice a handful of personal characteristics that seem to fit these three categories-

- self- critical

- always striving for more

- high standards

- desire for perfection

- control (desire to be in control, feeling out of control)

I’ll dive a little deeper into personality style in the next blog post. Stay tuned!